The UK government has declared Thursday a National Duvet Day, in response to the dire weather forecast.
It means that no bastard goes to work but spends the day in bed instead.
A government spokesman said:
“We’re looking for Brownie points right now and one of our guys came up with this lovely idea while he was cleaning out the cat litter tray. We thought it’d be a good idea for everyone just to stay in bed for one day. Forget everything else – let’s enjoy ourselves.”
Workers have reacted with joy, and have pledged their votes to the Tory government at the next election. One worker said:
“After all the fiasco of Brexit, here is something that will bring the nation together as one.”
He was kidding of course.